The best way to teach table manners is to be consistent. From an early age, get your child involved in appropriate behaviors and be consistent in demanding those behaviors. The very youngest children can learn to eat with silverware appropriately. Throwing food, is a big no no. You need to discourage bad behavior and encourage the good. When your youngster acts out, instead of having a discussion about why that is bad behavior, simply say “No!” and turn your child around to face the wall. This provides immediate and direct feedback that let’s the child know, “Wow, that wasn’t the reaction I wanted”. If you talk to your child or cajole them to eat properly, you are providing an opportunity for your child to gain extra attention. Albeit bad attention, it is, nonetheless, attention. And kids crave attention. Depriving them of attention, will quickly change behavior.
Demand that your children sit correctly at the table, ask to have things passed and request to be excused when they are done. If you don’t do that consistently, every night, it won’t happen. Too many kids bring video games or DVD players to the table. Too many kids get down and wander from person to person at the table. This behavior is wrong and should not be tolerated. Don’t allow it to begin and it won’t start. If is has started already, stop it, cold turkey.
Table manners, like anything else with kids, are about understanding that they world does not revolve around them. There are adults, other siblings and friends that need attention as well. Give your child time to feel special at the table by talking directly to them about that which is important to them. But then stop and give another person attention and don’t allow your child to interrupt or steal the attention. Consistency and setting expectations are the keys to improving table manners and almost every other behavioral problem as well.
Steps
Be consistent
Don't reward cries for attention
Help your child understand that others also need attention
Give you child individualized attention for a period of time each meal
Make routine important - ask to be excused, ask to have food passed
Lead your children!
